Jun 30

Potty Training Judgment

We’ve all heard about the so-called “mommy wars”, or “mom-petition”.  Whether it’s breastfeeding / formula feeding, or cloth /disposable diapers, or co-sleeping, or making your own baby food, or feeding all organic foods….everyone seems to have an opinion on everything.  If you’re not doing what someone else is doing, then the assumption is that you must be ruining your child in some way.  The only possible result of all the competition and comparisons is to make some people feel like they don’t measure up.

© Olaf Schulz - Fotolia.com

There is more than one way to parent a child, and just because we choose different paths or make different decisions doesn’t mean that one person is “right” and the other person is “wrong”.  No one “wins” at parenting, and things aren’t black and white.  Competing is like comparing apples and oranges.  We should all expend our precious time and effort on our own family, not on worrying about what other people are doing.

Potty Training Judgment

The judging and comparisons extend to the topic of potty training.  Recently I’ve had moms reach out to me for potty training help, and the following comments have been shared:

  • I’m starting to potty train my daughter at 20 months.  My mom friends all think I’m insane because it’s way too early, and that I’m going to damage her in some way.  My best friend asked why I’m trying to be faster and better than everyone.  I’m not!  I couldn’t care less when someone else decides to potty train.  I just think my daughter is ready, and so am I.
  • My 4-year old is still in diapers and I have failed at potty training several times.  Everyone says it’s my fault for being too easy on him.  He asked for diapers and I gave them back.  We canceled putting him in preschool because he wasn’t trained and wasn’t allowed to attend.  I want him to show me the signs he’s ready, and I just don’t think he’s there yet.  Why is everyone judging me?
  • My son seems to be ready to potty train, and he’s not yet two.  My parents watch him during the day while I work and said they will not follow my potty training plan because boys don’t train until closer to three years told, and I shouldn’t be trying so early.  My mom said I’m going to give him urinary tract infections and create a battleground over pottying.  Is she right?
  • I feel like a failure.  I have tried twice to potty train my 3.5 year old daughter and it’s just not working.  She’s so stubborn and independent, and I just can’t stick with it when she pees on the floor, because it makes me so angry.  I am dreading trying again.  Every time we’re out in public I feel like everyone notices her diapers and judges me.

It saddens me to hear from moms who feel like they are being judged negatively by others.  Potty training is a huge milestone in our children’s lives, and it can already be a stressful journey for many.  Adding pressure and judgment from others (friends, family, strangers) just makes everything worse.


One Goal — Many PathsPath to Potty Training

Always remember that potty training has one goal but many paths.  No two children are the same and no two family situations are the same.  We will all get there.  Try to ignore sideways glances and unhelpful comments from others, and keep on moving forward doing your best.

If I can help in any way with your potty training journey, don’t hesitate to ask.


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